I’m enjoying some incredibly full and fruitful days with more than 70 dynamic and wonderful women leaders in higher education. Besides retreat, which I will have to get back to soon, this is another experience that is sure to yield many blog posts if I can just take the time to write them.
Today, one of our speakers was Elizabeth Suarez, an incredibly talented trainer in mediation and negotiation, who helped us to interpret our scores on a negotiation style inventory developed by her advisor, Richard G. Shell (Bargaining for Advantage, New York: Penguin Books, 2006.)
Shell’s model describes five fundamental styles: competing, collaborating, compromising, accommodating, and avoiding, all of which can be useful in different situations. I learned that my preferred style (the one I would likely use by default) is the collaborating style. I also learned that I have a very low preference for (dare I say an aversion to?) a competitive mode of negotiation. Elizabeth’s opinion was that deans, provosts, and other leaders in higher education need to have a comfort level with the competing style. And I realize that my preferred style can be perceived by others as a weak style, especially when in conflict with someone who prefers a competing style. Having said that, I’m not sure I agree with Elizabeth that developing a more competitive style would be preferable to making my dominant style work for me…something to chew on a bit.
And perhaps I’m more balanced than Shell’s instrument seemed to show. Guided by my commitment to practicing (as much as I’m able) nonviolence, using a collaborative style seems to me to be quite congruent with the values of mutuality and collaboration that I hold so deeply. And since I value integrity even more deeply, it is important to me that my ways of relating to others be consistent with my deepest values. Still, I know that it is important for me to identify and represent my own needs (and/or the needs of those whom I represent), and when it is my role to do so, make difficult decisions when consensus is not reached. So perhaps that IS a bit more of the competitive style than the survey gave me credit for. I am very clear that for me, collaboration does not imply capitulation. Others have and may in the future see this differently, which I would find sad, because such an assumption that taking strong positions is more effective than working to achieve win-win solutions based on the needs of all could result in lost opportunities for potential employers to have my unique gifts in service of their mission. Sometimes the cost of being true to self can be high, but as I’ve written elsewhere in this blog, the cost of violating my own most deeply cherished values is even more costly.
At any rate, it gives me something to think and learn about as I go forward. What occurs to you as you reflect on your own experience of negotiation and/or resolving/settling conflict?
I prefer collaboration for resolving conflict also, and I’ve learned that being perceived as weak is not necessarily a bad thing. It can be rough personally, but there are times when that means one can get certain things accomplished under the radar that wouldn’t otherwise get through in a direct confrontation. The goal gets met. Good gets done. I think of it in terms of water dripping slowly and persistently on a stone—the water looks like it’s yielding every time but over time the stone gets worn away. “Collaboration does not imply capitulation.”–Exactly!
Lyngine…I think we are kindred spirits in many ways. Thanks for including the link to your blog…I was fascinated by your community’s website, especially the juxtaposition of a radically inclusive stance and many traditional practices. Sometimes I wonder if we Roman Catholic religious can really respond to God’s call to be prophetic in the context of our relationship to the Church’s power structure.
Anyway, I appreciate and have used the metaphor of water dripping on stone. I am happy to let others take credit for good work – what’s important is that the good work happen. I’ve also learned that I AM able to function effectively in an environment that requires a ramping up of my energy to engage assertively, without becoming overly aggressive. And as I reflect on my Enneagram type (five), it occurs to me that using my power in this way is a healthy movement (towards the eight). Pieces of the puzzle seem to come together for me in providential ways. What a blessing!